And.. You’re Blocked.

Hello everyone! Thanks for not unfollowing me in my two months of inactivity. This is not one of those posts I’ve been planning for a long time, but one I just came up with because I wanted to interact somehow with alL of you again. As anyone who has mental health issues would know, one’s social landscape changes when living with stuff like these. Long time friends become unreliable in the face of phenomena they don’t understand and some choose to lash out at you instead of approaching issues calmly. Some unexpected people turn to be the best in this time of your life while for some unfortunate few, family are the ones who aggravates the situation.

Similarly I’ve been doing some adjustments to how I interact with the people around me, in real life and online. I’ve stopped talking to certain people about mental health the first time it’s been proven they are not capable of seeing beyond themselves. If anything, trials and tribulations by mental health has trained me to be perceptive and more observant of non-verbal cues in people, and to take seriously what people put out the first time. It calls for fast learning, unless one loves to be doubly persecuted for living with mental health issues.

Recently, I made the move of being a lot less active on my socials. I deleted the Facebook app on my phone. I even ‘disappeared’ from instagram for one full week without posting anything on my feed, and stories were significantly reduced (though the number of daily stories has gone up again. But I definitely self censor more now). After every kind of criticism I’ve been through regarding my PTSD et al, I genuinely felt triple punished for it and I’ve come to that point where I relished the freedom of being virtually missing and posting cryptically on stories if I ever needed to rant.

My most recent move on social media was to privatise my instagram account so that I’ll get less unsolicited messages from strange men for unknown reasons. Unfortunately, one aspect of social media is that it has made harassment of women all too easily, and platforms still have a lot to do when it comes to handling stuff like this. The last incident that happened to me was just a few months back, when some white guy in the US sent me videos of his appendage. Facebook could only send him a warning to abide by community guidelines. It is, simply a slap on the wrist.

The time which led to me privatising my instagram was when I almost got a full-blown anxiety attack when a strange guy sent me a benign, non-explicit message (simply just saying hi with some heart emojis). This kind of reaction- has never happened before.

Since my privatisation I definitely have regained control on what I have to see and it’s been helping. Just tonight I blocked one guy from my church life group from viewing my insta-stories. He says I’m the one who ‘has been complaining the most’ today. I’m not sure if he’s referring to IRL or on my socials, but I definitely have given up on talking about my mental health in detail in lifegroup gatherings ever since I found out it harms me so much more than it helps. This guy in question is also the kind who will always say discouraging, unhelpful stuff to people on the group who shares stuff from their life, so a big pinch of salt should he taken with whatever he says. If he thinks me talking about mental health in general on instagram because I have no one else to discuss it with is ‘complaining’, then he definitely shouldn’t view my stuff if it bogs him down.

Frankly,my new-found interest in psychiatry and talking about it on socials is due to my thesis, which I just submitted last week. A combination of mass communications and medical information, partially inspired by my own trials with mental health. Strangely I find psychiatric information easier to understand now, pertaining to conditions I do not have personal experience in. Maybe in another life I would survive med school after all (would take on this path if I WERE an immortal vampire) .

I am choosing not to apologise for the things I have to go through. Also, I, heard this week is World Mental Health Week, is that true? That may explain the many tags beyond Oct 11 on instagram!

4 Comments Add yours

  1. John says:

    This article (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder) highlights the various symptoms associated with PTSD sufferers:

    “Symptoms associated with reliving the traumatic event:
    Having bad dreams, or distressing memories about the event
    Behaving or feeling as if the event were actually happening all over again (known as flashbacks)
    Dissociative reactions or loss of awareness of present surroundings
    Having a lot of emotional feelings when reminded of the event
    Having a lot of physical sensations when reminded of the event (heart pounds or misses a beat, sweating, difficulty breathing, feeling faint, feeling a loss of control)

    Symptoms related to avoidance of reminders of the traumatic event:
    Avoiding thoughts, conversations, or feelings about the event
    Avoiding people, activities, or places associated with the event

    Symptoms related to negative changes in thought or mood:
    Having difficulty remembering an important part of the original trauma
    Feeling numb or detached from things
    Lack of interest in social activities
    Inability to experience positive moods
    Pessimism about the future

    ​Arousal and reactivity symptoms:
    Sleeping Difficulties including trouble falling or staying asleep
    Irritability and outbursts of anger
    Difficulty concentrating
    Feeling easily startled
    Excess Awareness (hypervigilance)
    Other symptoms related to depersonalization (feeling like an observer to one’s body and thoughts/feelings) or derealization (experiencing unreality of surroundings) may also exist for some individuals.”

    If you do share any of these signs and symptoms, per chance you might have PTSD. Otherwise, it feels as if you might be misdiagnosing yourself. Maybe you should start making changes to your own life and appreciate the family and friends you have left in your life who actually take care of you instead as well, you seem to be pushing people away in favour of likes and shares on social media from this post.

    I don’t know you or what you went through, but if you genuinely have PTSD I offer you my sincere condolences.

    Like

    1. wheremabelgo says:

      Dear John, it is exactly because I don’t find much support IRL that is why I am here sharing what I’ve been through. If you have gone through the rest of my mental health commentary, you would know that I have been seeking healthcare for about two years for my PTSD and have gone through a few medication changes for PTSD by now, as well as facing potential discrimination when looking for jobs currently.

      The likes I get are not much at all and neither is this blog monetized to profit off my own status. I write this post because lack of support and dealing with insensitivity are one of the very common things a lot of my PTSD peers face.

      Like

      1. "John says:

        “I write this post because lack of support and dealing with insensitivity are one of the very common things a lot of my PTSD peers face.”

        Thank you but with all due respect, I don’t need you speaking up on my behalf like some voice of the voiceless Che Guevara-esque figurehead. I believe this here blog is a personal space for you to vent, and I’m merely a passer-by who’s also been through a lot in his life, but I’m making the effort to change things for the better. I wish you all the best, I sincerely hope you actually try to make things better for yourself and reconnect with your loved ones even if they might not understand what you’re going through.

        P.S. Social Media will only destroy your life if you keep going down this road. Please do recuse yourself from it and be more active in your own life if you genuinely want to get better.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. wheremabelgo says:

        That is subjective. If you don’t like how I write, you are entitled to your own opinion.

        Social media does not show you everything about a person’s life experiences and what one has done or not done and went through and not. Every experience of PTSD, or rather any adverse event in life differs from person to person and one can’t expect everyone to respond to things the same. In the end everyone is accountable only to one’s ownself when it comes to healing and I am doing the same and coping as best as I can. As a virtual mental health community I do believe respect of one’s own personal circumstances is paramount as even amongst ourselves we may not even agree to the same views and beliefs. Have a good day.

        Like

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