Writing

Bottom of this Black Hole

Right now I’m trying not to freak out like a neurotic Sim while I procrastinate further from rewriting Fae Raoirse flash fiction by typing this post at 23:25pm.

I last received an update from my writing group coordinator about my flash fiction last Friday, and only a few hours ago did I start to write possible opening dialogue for that. When it comes to rewriting procrastination, the past 6 days have been my longest thus far, since me getting back to writing in late 2014.

Though to be fair to myself these 6 days have been not-so-free, with me having to go out almost daily meeting people.

The Fae Raoirse rewriting has been going on for the past month or so, and the writing group coordinator, it seems, sees potential for Fae Raoirse to turn into a substantial character. This time will likely be my fourth time rewriting this one piece, and right now I’m doing my best to write without feeling like dying, on the words of fellow writers I had the pleasure of seeing during a talk during last month’s All In Young Writers’ Media Festival. According to Damyanti Biswas- if you’re feeling alive while you write- you’re on the right path.

Ever since the writers’ festival I’ve realised that what I need more than just simply discipline when it comes to producing written work is finding back the joy I had in writing as a kid.

That’s not to say that I don’t feel joy at all nowadyas when I write- it’s just a lot more elusive, kind of like a shy Loch Ness hiding at the bottom of the lake.

It’s so much easier to just consume the fruit of others’ creative dreams- be it by living through playing Sims 3- which has made EA quite successful and been praised for; peruse Youtube videos, read AboveAverage satire through Facebook or watch TV.

Whatever I do though- everything is a reminder that people have been writing and I haven’t. All of the above are involved people who write- whether through game scripting/ screenwriting/ or even contributing to the story behind Comedy Central’s Another Period, which I’ve been excitedly watching and following on TV recently. People who are behind what I consume on a daily basis are exactly what I’m supposedly am, too.

Writers.

My opening scene for my flash fiction would require a lot more dialogue than I’m used to. And while I find it easy stringing sentences together and structure, I’m flat-out unprepared for conveying dynamics, conflict and whatever through open ended dialogue. It’s currently one of my weak spots and I’m trying to remedy this by writing what conversations I think probably takes place in my character’s home.

Fae Raoirse is a young teenager whose family becomes rich after her parents’ careers take off in a foreign land, and she navigates her changing social landscape along with her much older sister. So far I have no problem coming up with themes I could cover, and I can see scenes playing out in my head but I discovered writing things out in a literary coherent manner is quite another. In the end it really boils down to dialogue, again.

It’s easy to talk about faith when everything’s going smooth, but beliefs are tested in any trying situation. Even right now for me, creatively speaking, I don’t even know how my rewritten work would be like. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” never felt so.. well, up for testing. I don’t wish to write only for myself to feel like dying anymore, and this is also why I haven’t been updating a lot nowadays.

But then again this is exactly what happened last time when I first rewrote and I got through it after I unexpectedly gained ideas while sitting on the toilet.

All in all, fingers crossed. All freaking out is in the suspense of the unknown, really, and I’ve also realised last month that writing is a lot like fishing.

You can do a lot to make sure ideas may come to you but you never know what or when is going to bite the bait.

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