Deja Vu of a writer & literary firsts

It was about 4 years back that I created my Wattpad account, to publish my own poetry works. I started off there beginning a now-abandoned, unfinished novel titled Espionage that was primarily inspired by Stieg Larrson’s Milennium trilogy. Literary artistically, I wrote myself into a wall and hit it, face first. What I learnt from the attempted endeavour was not to write something one doesn’t believe in.

I had an idea in mind then what I wanted to happen- detective Lisbon Lisbeth investigates suspected white collar crime case with her Italian colleague Callisto Alessandro, suspenseful things happen as they risk to put a discreet criminal behind bars, at the same time a young sunny demeanoured intern comes to the security firm. Cue romantic ambiguity and entanglements ensuing, as Lisbon finds herself at the crossroads of deciding whether her rich cultured Italian investigative partner Callisto or her young but stable-minded fresh college graduate intern would make a better fit as a prospective life partner.

I gave up on my own idea soon enough, as I realised I sure as hell know nothing about romantic progression nor was my heart in writing romance. As in any art form, at the gist of any humour, horror and storyline is a message, and a theme. And if there is no message about love I want to convey I sure as hell can’t continue the storyline in a believable way.

After that attempt, I continued writing by posting poetry on Wattpad. Some garner more view numbers than others, but always under a hundred. I always wonder how other writers out there get thousands of views on their works, and especially how they create their book covers. In a platform where millions write worldwide, having thousands who follow your novels til the end, laugh when a character commits a faux pas, and cry when characters is an admirable feat.

During this year, I decided to do what I’ve always done for most of my life but never noticed til now- WRITING. I still participate in poetry prompts on Twitter and post some of my works on my personal Instagram page, which goes by the same username as this WordPress.  I created this account so that I could practice my own writing, about any subject matter I deem interesting. Whether or not this garners views.. I’m not going to focus on that but just honing my God-given strength. If this becomes popular in future, good for me.

If not, this would just be a safe space for me to pour whatever intricate musings I have in mind but can’t really talk about to people because our interest fields don’t intersect, as well as honing my writing skill set which I am well aware is like a seedling for now.

With this WordPress creation,there’s a feeling of deja vu of the first time I created my Wattpad account and posted something. There are so many customizations I can do about this personal WordPress and things I haven’t discovered yet. Much like a new kid at school, there are so many things undiscovered, both about the site and my own self as a writer looking to refine her capabilities. However as my second time starting over, I will do my best to go with this with a different perspective and different goal. Not to aim for ‘marketability’ or views, but just to discover my own style in which I express, put my thoughts into coherent ideas and bring my ideas across to the world. I have faith that somehow, all that may make a difference somehow as I steward my talents and strengths.

After all, it is God who gave me those talents, and there’s no harm in developing whatever I know I have. At the end of the day, it is in between me and God alone. Aside from that knowledge, between my human fear and trepidation, there’s no doubt in me that it is the arts and writing in extension, that I feel in my own element and one of the few things that make me feel alive.


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